12 Top Tips to Raise your Partner’s Hackles

My good friend says on their own, none of these tips will rock the boat too much, possibly just raise an eyebrow. However, if there is already baggage, that is, an elephant in the corner, topics too sensitive and painful to discuss, well… then… ouch! I asked him to have a read and give me his opinion. His reaction was painful to observe. It was like watching a knife plunged into his heart, turned again and again and then salt rubbed into the wound. Talk about hitting a nerve! A time of his life he did not want to be reminded of. I apologised profusely.

So here goes, 12 Top Tips to gather storm clouds and gaurantee a sure reaction, ranging from a raised eyebrow to someone spending a night on the couch to one hundred percent fallout. Be warned…

1. Refuse to talk.
When your partner suggests you have a talk, simply say NO and put a stake in the ground. Say something like ‘There is nothing to talk about’, ‘It’s not important’, ‘It won’t make a difference’,
’I don’t want to talk’. Of course, you can always say ‘Not now, another time’ and then when that time comes, put it off again.

2. Demand the discussion takes place NOW.
‘We have to talk about this NOW, not later, not in 5 minutes, NOW!!!’    

3. You can intensify Tip 2 by ensuring your partner is in a rush when you want to talk – on their way out to work, the dentist or some other engagement. Even better if they’re off to a very important appointment like a job interview.  Alternatively you can wait till they are in the throes of a task that requires intense concentration and focus.

4. Use imperatives like ALWAYS and NEVER.
‘You NEVER listen to me’.
‘You ALWAYS bawl your eyes out – just like a child, instead of talking like an adult’.
Oo…. double whammy there!

5. Wait till Saturday afternoon when he is into his sports, watching sport channels. Choose this time to confront him with the evidence of his misdemeanours.
Guys, you get the drift here… pick her favourite TV program or activity… Strictly Come Dancing comes to mind.

6. Pile it all on.
Remember when he got drunk all those years ago and forgot all about you? Substitute your own story here… Don’t leave anything out. Make sure you have a long list and work through it… from the top Baby. Oh! Have the list handy so you can keep adding to it. You don’t want to be leaving anything off next time!

7. Insist on being right. It’s your way or NO way!

8. Don’t listen.
Whatever he or she says, do not listen. Close your ears, mumble ba-humbug or other nonsense phrase. Hum a tune. Fiddle with your mobile phone. Turn up the volume on the TV, radio or music.

9. Revert to body language.
Roll your eyes. LOTS! Sigh meaningfully. Put your hands on your hips in a ‘just you dare’ pose. Purse your lips. Work out some of your own and develop your own favourites.

10. Keep saying the same phrase over and over again.
Every time your partner expects a response, just say the same thing. ‘Yes dear….’ ‘Yes dear…’  ‘Yes dear…’ or ‘You talking to me…?’  ‘You talking to me…?’

11. Ignore them.
Open the post. Look for a recipe. Surf the internet. Read the newspaper/magazine/book/email. Flip through the TV channels. Tidy up the room. Start looking for something – ‘Have you seen my socks’ or keys or diary?

12. Stare at them.
Watch them intently and follow them with your eyes. Don’t say a word. Don’t twitch a muscle. Just watch them intently. Breathe slowly and steadily. This will help you keep your cool and be calm. When they stop or run out of steam, say ‘Are you done? Good!’ Then carry on with whatever you were busy with before you were interrupted. If they start up again, just repeat the routine.

There you have it! 12 Top Tips to Raise your Partner’s Hackles and seriously undermine your relationship.

I would love to know what you think. Please add your tips and comments below.