Aim for Improvement, not Perfection

A long time ago I went to my then manager with the wisdom ‘Training does not teach you anything. All it does is show you new areas of incompetence!’

‘Are you telling me you don’t want to do anymore training?’ he enquired.

‘Of course not!’ I quipped, ‘ I’m just saying.’

What I had stumbled on and could not verbalise at the time was that training shows you where there is room for improvement. It raises awareness. After that, the responsibility is with you and it’s over to you to implement what you have learnt or go and find out how to close the gap the training highlighted.    

This is not just true of training. It can be said for any method whereby you become aware that there is a different way, possibly a better way, of doing the thing you are struggling with. Just noticing yourself that the way you are doing things are not getting the results you want and resolving to ‘find a better way’ can put you on a path of learning and discovery.  So what does this have to do with difficult conversations? Well, just making that decision, ‘I will find a better way’, ‘there must be a better way’, raises your awareness and the next time a difficult conversation comes along, you will more acutely be aware of how you say things and what you say. You may find some words on the tip of your tongue that you know will not help the situation, yet they just tumble out regardless. The thing is, you noticed. You were aware before these words uttered themselves seemingly of their own accord that it was not a great choice of words. So be it. Now go and do your homework.

What could you have said instead? How could you have done it differently? What results did you want? What did you get? What did you do – all the things you did and said – that contributed to the outcome.

So the next time you’re in a similar situation, perhaps some troublesome words will be there again, waiting to just roll off your tongue before you can stop them. Did you also notice that this time you nearly got them before they voiced themselves? Do your homework again, what worked, what did not and pretty soon you’ll have control over them and you will say the words you want to say instead of being held ransom by troublesome words with a mind of their own.

And all you have done is three things:

• You’ve noticed things aren’t working – awareness
• You’ve made a decision to find a better way – willingness
• You persisted with finding and implementing better options – responsibility

If this is all you do to improve the outcome of your difficult conversations, you will see progress.

That’s been my experience:  Cultivate awareness, willingness and responsibility and you will improve most anything you put your focus on.  

Give it a go… let me know how it works for you.